Joys of Real School

Ah...so this semester I experienced the joys of a "real" school for the first time. I've been homeschooled my whole life, so going to the local community college for classes seemed like it would be exciting. (Cut to me banging my head against the wall wondering what the heck I was thinking) Exciting it is not. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's a lot of fun being in real classes and being around people I never knew before, most of whom I still don't know, but exciting? Uh..no.

True, it's nice to get out of the house and my teachers are very good for the most part, (unless you count the overwhelming urge to fall asleep the entire morning) but there's still this nagging feeling that I can't wait to get out of that place. I've narrowed it down to two reasons I started feeling this way after the first month. The reasons are: extreme sleep deprivation and analytical brainwashing. The latter likely does not make sense to you, and if you're lucky, I'll explain it and it still won't make sense to you, but at least you'll be satisfied that you don't experience it yourself.

Ok, the first is extreme sleep deprivation. Now I know to all you public-schoolers and people who have a job, my situation is not extreme. I mean really..waking up at 7:30 two days a week isn't that bad, right? Wrong. To me this is school boot camp. I mean seriously, homeschoolers get a bad rap for being able to go to school in their pajamas and for getting it easy..but that's probably only because...it's true! Ok I'll admit that to me the crack of dawn is excessive..heck my definition of bright and early is the crack of 10. But still...7:30 is just ridiculous. So, this semester I've been plagued by extreme sleep deprivation and as a result I've been forced to resort to desperate measures....ergo caffeine. So..now I have truly become the youngest caffeine addict in the history of the world. And to all those who say caffeine is good for you and has no side effects...I say...psh yea right. True, the inordinate amounts of caffeine I've consumed have kept my awake for my classes, but what they don't tell you is that large doses of caffeine have basically the same effect as say...hard alcohol. The high resulting from caffeine gives you the feeling that you could run a thousand miles, take an excessively long road trip, finish all your homework within 10 minutes and never be tired again. This usually lasts about an hour. The hangover from caffeine makes you feel as if you haven't slept in 1000 years, you've just been beat up by a pack of wild monkeys and left in a ditch by the side of the road, then you try to sleep but your brain won't let you because "you aren't tired enough." This usually last for weeks. Lovely stuff caffeine...works real well. Is it worth it? Definitely. What else am I going to use to keep me awake... sleep? What a ridiculous notion. So I spend my nights in sleepless withdrawel from caffeine, feeling like the undead skeletons in POTC wandering the earth feeling nothing...yes that's why we all love caffeine...it's an american tradition.

But...sleep deprivation is not even the worst consequence of "real" school. The abssolute worst deadly consequence of "real" school is analytical brainwashing. I promised to explain so I will. In both my economics and english class we are given analytical homework assignments. In economics we are given economic analysis assignments in which we write a page analyzing a certain economic developement and in english we are given assignments to write an analyzation of certain literature or cultural writing. So I have been told this entire semester to analyze things, meanings, economic developements, tone, emotional appeal, word usage and why the writer used the word "and" between two incomplete phrases. Basically..."Analyze everything, especially the things nobody cares about or even pays attention to because it would be a tragedy for you to have free time outside of class." So..I've analyzed...and analyzed...and analyzed again. I've analyzed why people buy less video game systems when they cost a million dollars more than their competitors, how writers can manipulate you to agree with them by making more sense than some other writer who only calls people names, and last but definitely not least...why it is crucial to use the proper punctuation in a rough draft that nobody will ever read. These inordinate amounts of analyzation have led to a condition I call "analytical brainwashing" in which my school life has corrupted my personal life. I now find myself analyzing everything!

Why does that cartoon chracter continue to make the same mistakes and allow everyone laugh at him? What is the artist trying to portray here? Obviously there is a deep underlying message behind charlie brown trying to kick the football...literature should never be taken at face value.
Did I properly pause after that comment I made? Should I have used more literary illusions within that conversation with my friend? Would I have been able to portray my opinion better if I had employed proper word usage? Why did I buy that item for 5 dollars when I could have paid 10 dollars for the same exact item? What is the manufacturers gimmick in getting me to buy his product?

Essentially...analytical brainwashing is taking over my life and is destroying me. Never again can I watch another cartoon, I continually analyze the logical fallacies. Never again can I read a book without critiquing its word usage and meaning. Maybe I should just go watch spongebob squarepants...maybe it will undo the effects of all this using my brain junk. Yea...that's what I'll do. Well...I hope it works! See you all on my next installment of my "reflections of the hawk" i think I need more coffee before I fall asle.....zzzzzzz.